'How Many Baskets Can One Carry?”

Through some of my transformations in this upheaving year, I allowed myself to get off track in so many ways. Primarily, I neglected to take care of my fitness, something I value highly. I also became loose with my diet, have taken a break from my sobriety, and lingered away from personal organization of my resources. This isn't the first time I allowed these elements to slip up. Honestly, since childhood, I have gone in phases where I workout for a few years, and then a few months of busyness, distractions, and excuses go by, and then I'm back to where I started; feeling weak and jiggly, unimpressed with my appearance, and unable to fit comfortably in my clothes. More frequently, I get organized and regimented for several steady weeks, and then have a busy weekend, and it all falls apart, and then it takes weeks of exhaustion to get back in order. The combination of all my lapses have spiraled together, resulting in an overall feeling of hiatus that I am beginning to break free of.

I thought I had overcome allowing my perceived obligations and stresses to get the best of me. Despite my disappointment, I am humbled to acknowledge that I am not a finished product. I still have a ton of finessing to do, and once again I am empowered by the adventure. Looking back on this phase already, I feel a sense of levity because I was was quite aware of what was going on pretty early on. This is just a reiteration of how we have to PRACTICE what we want to do and how we want to be. It's not just about wishing it for ourselves. The action is the key. Our habits determine our outcome, and we must be conscious of our thoughts, or we will get swooped into mindlessly drifting further from what we truly desire.

From my studies over the years, I've come to realize that we are always manifesting, but often we are doing so unconsciously, and then we wonder how we ended up where we are. We are constantly changing, and life continues on whether we made the “right” decisions for ourselves or not, and all of our decisions intertwine and compound to get us to where we are. The main component of manifesting our visions into reality is the conscious intention and subsequent action required by every individual to actually create the life we want.

This will look different for everyone, but we are always making choices that become our behaviors and actions, and the key is in our intention, and how capable we are to focus on that intention. And this comes from recognizing your potential held within your soul, and then devoting yourself to follow through with that calling. It is within you for a reason!

We aren't incarnated here and now just to long for things. Our dreams come to us because our souls believe it is possible to achieve our highest visions. The best thing we can is to honor that potential and build toward it! And I believe that so many people don't feel fulfilled in this world because we are taught and encouraged to ignore the little nudges and whispers within us. We're bombarded with reminders of obstacles and hardships, rather than opportunity and emergence.

By going through this cycle of frustration and disappointment, followed by self-empowerment and determination so many times, I have learned that in order to maintain my devotion to my desired future, I need to set up my own world to support my aligned actions on a daily basis. This is much easier said than done, though. It is here where I usually find myself feeling stuck, by getting caught up in never-ending distractions from the external world! How does one create their own “insulated”, focused environment, when the rest of the world exists, and is all easier to access than ever before in history, and when we also don't want to go into complete isolation?!

I've teetered the line of “indulgence vs discipline” for so long now, and am still seeking to find reliable harmony. I refuse to give up trying! How do we cultivate the appropriate environment for all parts of our nourishment?

It's not just the external world that is distracting, though. It's also my brain, that never stops churning when I'm awake! I'm constantly daydreaming about another project I can begin, or topic to divulge into. But then everything usually becomes so rapid and overwhelming, that I get paralyzed and my momentum starts to atrophy. Ideally, my outlet is a combination of movement and writing, but clearly I haven't mastered my habits consistently, hence the premise of this essay! I have gotten better about not being too harsh on myself when I fail, so long as I don't allow that to become a spiral in itself: bypassing the actions that would catalyze my momentum, and therefore continuing to spiral around not doing the things.

In summary, as much as I believe in embracing change, I can still appreciate how effortful and exhausting it is to actually participate in our changes! So I want to acknowledge the challenge that morphing brings to each of us. It's so common to get caught up in whatever else is going on around us, whether or not we are facing transition. But what I've found as pivotal in getting back into a focused momentum is simply taking a few moments each day to sit quietly with myself, checking in, and then asking for guidance from the universe. However, sometimes this only comes from getting so fed up with my avoidant self that I have to then force myself to be with myself!

There is so much swirling all around us at all times. And to some extent, I believe that our society was designed to have us constantly distracted and disconnected! But we don't have to remain there our entire lives. We can take our autonomy back, and harness our own will, to make sure our lives are going in the directions we actually want!

At times, I wish I was able to just choose one thing to focus on, and just go all in on it. I can certainly see the benefits in “following one course until successful” (FOCUS)! But for whatever reason that I have yet to identify, that is just not how my brain allows me to be. I am lovingly scattered, and there are just so many things I wish to partake in, because I see everything as interconnected. So unraveling it all, drawing the lines, and making it organized, practical, and understandably clear is one of my biggest challenges in this incarnation.

I often have to remind myself that there is no rush. Despite wanting my life to be a certain way now, I have to be patient with myself as I learn what I need in order to become who I want to be. The path to self-discovery requires consistent courage, and I know we all can muster that up within ourselves if we allow it. So if nothing else, I will always have that to fall back on, and fortunately, courage is something nobody can take from us.

I have written this to call myself out publicly for allowing myself to get frivolous in my commitments to my future, and to call myself forward to stop wandering from my path. I am the only one in control of my life and how I live it. We each design our own destiny, and we have the choice to do it consciously, or to feel as though it's being done to or for us. I encourage everyone to choose the former, and remember that we can always realign when we get off track.

So how many baskets can one carry? As many as your heart desires. Just get clear on what that truly, deeply means to you, stay intentional with your actions, and trust in your courageous soul to guide you all the way there.